The Criminal

In the words of Fiona Apple “What I need is a good defense , cause I’m feeling like a criminal” 

Dave* was charming, he was only a year older then me, but was successful. He had his own business, it had something to do with property development. How a 25yr old could be successful at this was beyond me, I was barely successful at reverse parking let alone something as foreign as property development at 25. 

Although there were a few signs that maybe he was telling me a few porkys on just how successful he actually was, as he also did live still live with mum & dad. I was pretty naive and going along with it.


Our first date was to Scratchleys, beats a Schnitty sanga at the movies or a drug deal behind Maccas. So this already impressed me. I was told I could order what I wanted as he was paying. I should’ve gone all out with the lobster & oysters. But I just had some sort of fish, nothing too expensive. I had to save room for dessert (which he also paid for).

We went out a few times, he drove a flashy car, some sort of VW. It had leather seats & electric windows. It was impressive. (what can I say material things made me happy). We would usually go for dinner. He was always dressed flashy with a big flashy watch & that overpowering smell of expensive aftershave. I got a bit sick of him bragging about his “Hugo Boss” suit collection or his “Louis Vuitton” cufflinks. At this time of my life I think I mentioned I was a bit of a Kmart sort of girl. (maybe I still am). 

Dave bought me my first Guess handbag. He introduced me to the world of expensive handbags (well semi expensive, I’m sure there’s more expensive then Guess). I didn’t know what to say to the guy. I mean I was gracious & accepted the gift, I was just surprised as we’d only been out to dinner a few times and hung out & watched some movies. I hadn’t even slept with him & he was giving me expensive things. Maybe if I had, I could’ve got something even more expensive. 

It wasn’t really serious, it had only been a handful of dates. He mentioned something about going out for breakfast & how he liked doing this. I suggested we go out for breakfast one weekend. Well “Sundays (he told me) are when I catch up with my ex, we do breakfast every week”. Umm ok. Sure nothing odd about that. 

I started to get really annoyed with Dave & his OTT spending & bragging & the whole besties with ex. So I didn’t return his calls (the mature way of ditching someone). 

A few months later I ran into him in Hamilton, he greeted me with a big hug & still had the overpowering expensive aftershave smell. I agreed to catching up for a coffee & left it at that. (I wasn’t really going to see him I just said it to get away). 

A few months after that, here I am reading the paper one morning & literally spit out my Special K all over the pages. Here is a picture of Dave coming out of Newcastle Court after his arrest for credit card & identity fraud. He had stolen clients cards & information & made unauthorised personal transactions from his business card. He owed over $100,000 & was arrested after months of investigating. 

Uh oh. So somewhere out there I might be included in some surveillance photos & technically I am an accessory to the crime if I received dinners & handbags out of fraudulent transactions. Does this make me a criminal? Or an accessory to a crime? I don’t know but I’m still waiting to be arrested. But I felt like a criminal by association.

From what I heard Dave got a suspended sentence on good behaviour bond but had to work to pay back the money he stole, or something. 

Hmm.. I wonder if he’s still single...