Just a checklist for those in the dating world.. or maybe you will one day be in the dating world.
These are again personal experiences as my life is amazing.
- Don't Fart.
It's a simple one guys. Even if you think it will be hilarious. There's a time & place for it. First date is probably not it. First date at a nice venue is definitely not it. Maybe ease your way into the farting, not all girls are into this.
- Don't burp in my face.
I can appreciate too much beer or soft drink makes you want to burp. But in my face? Really?
- Don't eat my food
I am all for sharing, when I actually know you. If I leave the table & come back & you are hoeing into my meal I won't be impressed.
- Don't lecture me about Religion
The first date needs to be easy & not complicated. No one wants to hear your religious views to the point where you are offending my choice of friends and lifestyle. I have left a guy to pay (only a few weeks ago) when he laughed that I had "faggot friends". This sort of behaviour only makes you look like a redneck. I also don't need to hear about every bible chapter that you found life changing.
- Don't discuss your ex in details.
Ok we all have a past, do I need to know everything there is to know about your ex? No. If she calls you during our date & you feel the need to take the girls call, then maybe you shouldn't be out on this date. Especially if you need to take this call & actually walk away from the table.
- Be on time or at least let me know YOU AREN'T COMING
If you know you are busy or stuck at work, or you just don't actually want to come. How about giving me a heads up. If we are meeting somewhere & I'm there first & its 5 minutes until the movie starts & you aren't there. This is concerning. If you then fail to show up, thats known as being "stood up". Even if you text me later with a shit reason. I won't forgive you.
- Wear shoes
As previously discussed. Shoes are important. I will judge you harshly if you turn up to a public venue, at night, with no shoes. (please note I wear thongs a lot, I'm not against thongs I am against bare feet)
- Don't forget your wallet
You know this is a shit excuse. Who leaves the house & doesn't do the "keys, phone, wallet" check. Idiot.
-Don't start fights
This is meant with other people. I don't need you to prove your testosterone to me by fighting with other guys when I am trying to get to know you. I don't care what they say or do. Get over it.
- Don't send me a picture of your cock before we are meant to meet up
Well self explanatory really.
Along this line of story I once met a guy in town who kept harassing me for "sexy pics". I said don't be stupid I'm having a shower & going to bed. He replied "ohhh send me a sexy shower shot". So I literally took a picture of the shower cubicle & sent it to him. I never heard from him again.
- Don't discuss sex
I'm trying to date you. Not screw you. If you keep asking me sexual questions like if I'm good at acrobatics or if I fantasize about other girls. This will mean I will never see you again & I will ensure you know & everyone else knows I think you are the biggest germ on the face of the earth. Don't get me wrong I am no prude, (I probably know more about the gay sex world then some gays) but there's got to be a line that you are crossing.
- Don't ask me where you think this is going or if there are sparks on our first date.
If you are unsure & have to ask, then maybe wait until after the date or until the second date. But if it's one of the first things you have to say. I might run away.
- Don't give me your 5 year plan.
Things change, if your 5 year plan includes moving to Canada in the next 3 months. Why are we even having dinner? I am happy to hear your plans in general & what your dreams & goals are. But if your house is for sale & you are moving OVERSEAS. This might be an issue for us to keep catching up.
- Admit to having kids, the right amount of kids too.
If you genuinely expect to see me again. Telling the truth is highly important. If you have kids don't forget . Even just the one, mention it. But saying you have "a kid" when you have 4 is not telling the truth is it?
- Do you have a criminal record?
If you can't seem to account for your whereabouts between a certain period of time, I am either going to think you are a stoner or you were in jail. When it is the latter, its bound to come out at some stage. I ask A LOT of questions.
- Don't share TOO much personal information.
It's our first date, I don't need to know you've had a bad case of diarrhea today & can't eat anything spicy & then tell me the stench was atrocious. This will make me gag & we will both sit in silence without eating. This is also up there with discussing your ingrown toenail.
- Don't ask me what I earn or how much money I have in the bank or how much debt I have.
Sure long term this might be relevant to you. But right now? Nope.. not your business. Also along this line, don't brag about what YOU earn. I don't care right now. I want to know what you're about. Sure you can tell me what you do, if you are successful , if you have your own place. But I can then put two & two together & work out myself if you earn a decent living.
- Don't compliment me & put me down in the same sentence
I don't care if I am the first "bigger girl" you have gone out with. This is irrelevant to me as you are the 100th jerk I've gone out with. Even if you then tell me I'm very funny etc. I will still be focusing on the "bigger girl" comment. I once had a guy say something along the lines of "I would never have gone out with someone who looks like you a few years back, but I've really grown & matured & like your personality". Ok well thats nice. Now go fuck yourself.
- Don't dump me or date me on Valentines Day
There is too much superficial pressure on Valentines Day for us to go out. In saying that though, I don't want to be dumped on Valentines Day either. I mean surely you knew February 13th you didn't like me? Why wait that extra 24hours?
I am sure I have plenty more of these "don'ts" but that will do for now
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